When it comes to your child’s eating habits, is picky the word that immediately comes to mind? If you have a picky eater in your house, they may be stuck on a handful of preferred foods—pasta, cheese, and more pasta(!)—and reluctant to try new ones.
And, if it feels like they won’t eat green veggies or anything with an unfamiliar texture, you’re definitely not alone. Parents everywhere wonder: When will the picky eating end, if ever?
Picky eating typically starts during the toddler years, and it can be a worry for parents concerned that their child isn’t getting enough of what they need. It can also be a practical everyday frustration for parents trying to serve healthy, balanced meals and prevent food waste.
Kids become picky eaters for a variety of reasons. Your child’s temperament and stress level can play a role, but other factors also contribute. For parents wondering whether there’s anything you can do, the short answer is, yes!
Tapping the Experts
One review of 80 health studies found that how parents interact with their children around mealtimes and eating occasions throughout the day can make a difference, for better or worse.
While it’s not uncommon for kids to go through a picky phase—or several—in the long run picky eating can mean children are missing out on getting all the nutrients they need to grow and be healthy. Ultimately, transforming your picky eater into a more open-minded and agreeable one takes some work, according to the experts.
In this installment of our “What’s a Parent to Do?” blog series focusing on children’s nutritional health, registered dietitian Caryn Fields from Aramark Student Nutrition helps us better understand what’s behind picky eating, offers tips and approaches to help, and also delves into “do’s and don’ts.”
“First, parents should change their definition of success,” Fields says. Picking up a slice of cucumber for the first time or even taking a small bite can be progress; the entire plate of cucumber doesn’t have to be consumed for parents to declare a win.
Q: My child will only eat a few foods. Is that “normal?”
“It’s a very common occurrence,” says Caryn. “The majority of parents will experience some sort of episode of picky eating. It could be one or it could be multiple throughout a child’s lifetime. It’s a normal part of growing up.”
Kids often go through a phase of picky eating that starts at around two years old and runs for about two years. The tendency may be an innate built-in protective impulse—nature has made it so toddlers who are getting more mobile also avoid foods they are unfamiliar with.
“Kids also want more autonomy and control,” Caryn says. “They want to be able to say, ‘no.’”
Parents should know that fussy eating most commonly isn’t their fault. Many times, families with a picky eater may also have another child who will try and enjoy many foods. Some children are just more rigid than others when it comes to experimenting with new tastes.
Generally, a period of picky eating shouldn’t be a major concern. However, if your child is underweight, experiencing health issues that might be related to not getting the nutrients they need, or has a behavioral health problem that accompanies their picky eating, be sure to talk to their doctor.
“If they’re falling off their growth curve, that’s when we know there’s something going on,” says Caryn.
Q: How can I get my child to try new foods?
It can take anywhere from 10 to 20 tries for a child to accept a given food. First, don’t make it a goal for your child to like certain foods. Measure success by them trying a food for the first time.
So, how do you do that?
Caryn says, “Number one, get them cooking with you and into the kitchen. The more familiar they can be with the food, the better, and they develop a sense of pride knowing they helped create the meal.”
Letting kids play with their food is also key, she adds, as is modeling non-picky eating yourself. Then, “repeat, repeat, repeat.”
Variety is key, too. Don’t offer the same food every day. Rather, get into the habit of eating different foods every day—sugar snap peas today, a mushroom tomorrow. Start small. Don’t expect your child to finish a full serving of peas.
Instead, start with just a few, or even one. Then, follow up with a food you know your kids like. During subsequent meals, you can increase the serving size of peas and decrease the portion of their favored food.
You can also try inviting over for dinner one of your child’s friends who’s an adventurous eater. Eat family style so your child has control over how much food they put on their plate.
Also, make sure your child comes to the table with an appetite and keep meals at consistent times of day.
Q: Should I cook separate foods if my picky eater wants something different?
Preparing separate meals sets a bad precedent and is almost always not a good idea, unless there’s a growth and development concern, says Caryn.
“It’s not a great idea to be a short-order cook because it gives that kiddo all of the control,” she says. It can reinforce the idea that your child is picky and won’t, and doesn’t, eat the same foods as everyone else.
Instead, everyone in the family should enjoy the same nightly meal—barring any food allergies. Sitting down and eating the same meal together without distractions—phones, toys, or TV—not only focuses kids on the food they’re eating, but also builds connections through meaningful conversation.
To help with picky eating, mealtimes should be a safe and enjoyable time. Talk about pleasant topics and schedule your meals at around the same time every day so your child knows what to expect.
Think about how you’re presenting foods—make them appealing. Cut foods into fun shapes or serve dips. “Every meal is a new opportunity,” Caryn says.
Q: My child has an aversion to a food they say they hate. Should I try to get them to overcome it?
Kids can really dig their heels in. But it’s not a simple yes or no, Caryn says.
In these cases, you need to start with an investigation into why is that food aversion there? For instance, what is it about spinach that your child hates? Is it the texture or the color? If it’s the texture of steamed spinach, serve raw spinach in a salad or make creamed spinach, instead.
If it’s an aversion to a fresh tomato, for example, blend tomatoes into a sauce. “Offering the food in a different form may help with food aversion,” says Caryn. At the end of the day, foods overlap in the nutrients they contain.
So, instead of making it your mission to have spinach be in favor with your child, find another food with the same or similar nutrients. “There are other ways to win,” she says.
Q: My child acts up if they don’t get the food they want. Any advice?
Usually, acting up is not about the food, says Caryn. Instead, it typically has to do with what happened to your child during their day. Maybe they’re tired, or they were frustrated by a difficult day at school. Try to find out what’s bothering them.
To help avoid acting up, make sure to always include at least one of their preferred foods during meals. Outside the home—in a restaurant, for example—plan ahead. If you suspect the restaurant won’t have any of their favorite foods, pack some to bring along.
For kids who have difficulty sitting still at the table, or who can’t focus on their meal, try adding something enticing to the table like a placemat that’s also a fun coloring sheet.
Q: What about “don’ts” when responding to picky eaters?
Don’t just assume your child won’t eat a certain food or say, “What’s the point of trying? They never eat it,” Caryn advises.
Instead, always try because you want to consistently show kids what a balanced plate looks like. Offer foods even if you think they’re not going to eat it. “It’s waste with a purpose,” she says. You know you’ve exposed your child to the food, so it’s a win even if it doesn’t feel like a win.
Also, don’t vilify foods, especially ones they love. “You can create an unhealthy relationship with food that way,” Caryn says.
Finally, don’t offer lots of intensely flavored snacks like chips or cookies during the day. Young palates are still being molded, so a piece of fruit following a salt and flavor-packed bag of chips or sweet treats just won’t seem as exciting.
What’s a Parent to Do?
Caryn suggests trying some of these tips to deal with your picky eater.
Don’t force food. This can make your child link food to frustration and anxiety and get confused about their own hunger cues and appetite. It’s not helpful for any child and even more so when you’re dealing with a picky eater. Research has also shown forcing kids to eat foods doesn’t make them less fussy.
Take the attention away from taste. Rather than focusing on how a certain food tastes, discuss other attributes with your child, like the food’s texture, temperature, color, smell, or shape.
Pay attention to language. If your child describes foods they’re trying as “gross” or “yucky,” encourage them to use other more specific words instead. This helps your child come to a better understanding of what they’re feeling about the food. Is the food squishy or bitter? Does it look shriveled up or juicy?
Give your child more control. Some kids might appear to be picky because they’re yearning to feed themselves. If they’re young, try finger foods, give them a spoon to hold while you help feed them or let them decide where food goes on their plate.
Be careful about snacks. Around two hours should pass between a snack and mealtime, so your child is hungry. Even if your child is hungry before dinner, don’t rush to give a snack. It’s okay for them to be hungry for a little while so they’re ready for their next meal.
Try new foods at breakfast. The first meal of the day is often a great time to offer a new food because your child is the hungriest and may be more amenable to trying something new. Just be sure to also include food you know they are used to, as well.
Liven up your table settings. Making kids’ plates or bowls fun can keep their attention and encourage them to try new foods. Put food in a plate shaped like a toy boat or with a train on it.
Pay attention to moods. If your kids—or you—have had a long day and are stressed, it’s probably not the best time to embark on a major cooking mission or make a point of introducing new foods. Be especially understanding with yourself and your kids those days.
A Marathon, not a Sprint
While many picky eaters eventually change their ways with a little parental help, sometimes expert help is necessary if picky eating becomes severe. Signs of severe picky eating might include being completely unwilling to ever try anything new, distress and extreme avoidance of certain foods, or starting to dislike foods they once enjoyed.
For most kids, if they are getting the broad nutrients they need for growth and development—carbohydrates, calcium, protein, healthy fat, and fiber—they’re probably doing okay.
“As long as your child is growing, picky eating is just part of it,” Caryn says. “It’s definitely a marathon. There will be occasional fights and meltdowns, and that’s okay because they’re learning and we’re learning, too.”
How does a parent know they’re finally done with a picky eating period and can declare victory? “The true definition of success is when kids eat a variety of healthy foods throughout the day,” says Caryn. “That’s when you know you’ve really taught them to eat properly.”
Caryn Fields is a Registered Dietitian and part of Aramark’s Nutrition Network—a community of dietitians within Aramark Student Nutrition. The Nutrition Network connects and engages Aramark Student Nutrition RDNs and other nutrition experts in ways that benefit school students, parents and caregivers, and their district’s health and wellbeing initiatives.
Note: Since everyone’s health history and nutritional needs are so different, please make sure that you talk with your doctor and a registered dietitian to get advice about the diet and exercise plan that‘s right for you.